I regret to inform you that the answer to your latest inquiry is negative. When I turn my car on, it does not return the favor. This is not entirely its fault. It is missing most of the features associated with arousal. It does not have a good sense of humor. It does not have a killer body. It does not have a nice smile. It may be a good listener but since it never responds to my questions it's hard to tell if it is really listening or just pretending to.
On the positive side, it does not smoke and while I appreciate this very much, it is not enough to really excite me. I also greatly fear that when my Explorer becomes a teenager in a few years, it too will start to smoke. All of the cool cars are doing it.
Yours very insincerely,
John Delorean.
To assist other would-be marketers that believe that their products should turn people on, here is a list of additional household items that do not fill the bill:
- My toaster oven. Even though it is extremely hot, it cannot light my fire.
- My computers. Although they have access to an extremely wide variety of pornography, they are nonetheless "not hot".
- My DVR. It pains me to list this one because I truly love it, just not in that way.
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